dharma in Dalat

Today went to Chua Linh Son where Thay went after rebelling against his root temple in order to practise engaged Buddhism- which interacts with the community. He talked about taking care of your loved ones and the three reconciliation ceremonies that are taking place in Vietnam to grieve for all those whom have suffered during the war on both sides. This and the dharma discussion we had amongst ourselves made me realise that I have been indirectly affected by the war, by the violence and mental illness in my family which is partly caused by the war and civil unrest when my mother's generation was growing up. Although I have grieved for this for myself and dealt with it through therapy on an individual basis I think engaging in a collective ceremony would be an incredible experience. The dharma talk also made me want to contact Alister even more- which unfortunately I cannot for another two weeks when I return to Australia.

thay in Saigon

Have spent the first week on tour with Thay. It is like being with a rock star, photographers are everywhere and he is greeted by crowds wherever he goes. We visited Phap Van temple where sixteen monks and nuns whom were killed when part of the SYSS- the social workers movement that Thay started that took no sides in the war- and the remains of a nun whom immolated in front of the Virgin Mary and Avoliketera in the hope that the two religions would reconcile- this was during Diem's time. Thay has given two dharma talks so far- on basic breathing, the practice and looking after your loved ones. I have taken away the idea that when you meditate you do so for your mother, father, grandparents and others not just for yourself. We can follow the footsteps of the Buddha so the Buddha is alive in this world. I also wish to be truly present for those I love too. There are fifty Western lay friends on this tour ranging in age and they are very nice and present people. We are currently in Dalat where we are visiting four more temples and then going on a five day retreat with Thay in Bao Loc at Bat Nha monastery.

gestating

Reading Thay's book on anger- and about how doing other things mindfully creates writing. I totally agree- call it artistic dates a la Julia Cameron or a necessary gestation period- that's my idea- it is fertiliser for works of art.
I'm realising that I have a lot of anger and fear, and it will take me a while to overcome. I feel that buddhist practice like my writing is a life time practice and I'm happy with that.

anger

Last night had a meditation on anger and a reading about anger from Thay's book the Heart of the Buddha's teaching. It made me realise that I can transform the anger I have towards the government and towards some situations that men create into something else- and it needn't be a barrier to me practising psychology. Anger does cause suffering and to act out of anger sometimes just waters the anger further. Taking responsibility for your anger though a hard thing maybe a necessary thing.

finding the soul

I'm taking a break from the 50 verses of consciousness and reading Thomas Moore's Original Self. There are some zen like moments in his writing- however he thinks (and I paraphrase) that living in the present moment solely denies links to the past and the future. I think he misunderstands the emphasis on trying to live in the present moment in Pureland Buddhism- I think there is an understanding in Thay's Buddhism that living mindfully in the present moment is difficult to achieve. It is a moment in time when mind consciousness stops for a little while. Many practices such as Touching the Earth leads you to meditate on the past and the future. I've been talking to a friend Doug who said that his Japanese masters told him not to expect anything from meditation and you don't meditate to get results. Thay says meditation leads to greater mindfulness and helps cultivate compassion. However meditation relies on you to let whatever is in your mind come to the surface and if you force this it won't happen. At least this is how I explain the differences between these two. What I am really appreciating from the practice at the moment is learning to smile at your emotions. This is what I think is missing from Western psychology theories- the ability to smile and be compassionate to yourself and then to others.

floating emotions

I am finding that doing the practice has made me more aware of my emotions and I feel them more acutely than I have in a while. These range from frustration to joy that I am in Hanoi (so it's not all bad!) I'm going to go to Saigon and follow Thich Nhat Hanh around for a while in late February- my understanding husband has supported me in doing this. I'm reading "transformation at the base" now a very dense book about the fifty verses of the nature of consciousness. It's pretty complex but comforting to read especially when you're feeling sad.

mindfulness and anger

The other day while in Hanoi a friend did something that made me annoyed and then angry. The anger came after the discomfort and I tried to tackle it with mindfulness, and try and listen compassionately to my anger and hear why I was angry. Although the feeling distracted me for a good few hours being mindful helped me frame a response to the friend that was more compassionate and less blaming. In reading the heart of the buddha's teaching, I have found that I have to meditate more and practice more for this to become more a part of my life. It's not easy though- and I am looking forward to going to the sangha tonight and practicing in a group once again after a break of five weeks.