anger

Last night had a meditation on anger and a reading about anger from Thay's book the Heart of the Buddha's teaching. It made me realise that I can transform the anger I have towards the government and towards some situations that men create into something else- and it needn't be a barrier to me practising psychology. Anger does cause suffering and to act out of anger sometimes just waters the anger further. Taking responsibility for your anger though a hard thing maybe a necessary thing.

finding the soul

I'm taking a break from the 50 verses of consciousness and reading Thomas Moore's Original Self. There are some zen like moments in his writing- however he thinks (and I paraphrase) that living in the present moment solely denies links to the past and the future. I think he misunderstands the emphasis on trying to live in the present moment in Pureland Buddhism- I think there is an understanding in Thay's Buddhism that living mindfully in the present moment is difficult to achieve. It is a moment in time when mind consciousness stops for a little while. Many practices such as Touching the Earth leads you to meditate on the past and the future. I've been talking to a friend Doug who said that his Japanese masters told him not to expect anything from meditation and you don't meditate to get results. Thay says meditation leads to greater mindfulness and helps cultivate compassion. However meditation relies on you to let whatever is in your mind come to the surface and if you force this it won't happen. At least this is how I explain the differences between these two. What I am really appreciating from the practice at the moment is learning to smile at your emotions. This is what I think is missing from Western psychology theories- the ability to smile and be compassionate to yourself and then to others.

floating emotions

I am finding that doing the practice has made me more aware of my emotions and I feel them more acutely than I have in a while. These range from frustration to joy that I am in Hanoi (so it's not all bad!) I'm going to go to Saigon and follow Thich Nhat Hanh around for a while in late February- my understanding husband has supported me in doing this. I'm reading "transformation at the base" now a very dense book about the fifty verses of the nature of consciousness. It's pretty complex but comforting to read especially when you're feeling sad.

mindfulness and anger

The other day while in Hanoi a friend did something that made me annoyed and then angry. The anger came after the discomfort and I tried to tackle it with mindfulness, and try and listen compassionately to my anger and hear why I was angry. Although the feeling distracted me for a good few hours being mindful helped me frame a response to the friend that was more compassionate and less blaming. In reading the heart of the buddha's teaching, I have found that I have to meditate more and practice more for this to become more a part of my life. It's not easy though- and I am looking forward to going to the sangha tonight and practicing in a group once again after a break of five weeks.

stories with spirit

My grandmother whom suffers dementia and schizophrenia has been seeing ghosts in her housing commission flat. They are not threatening (so aren't your run of the mill hallucinations). One is a man reading a book whom tells her "I see what I see- you see what you see." This is very deep and makes me wonder. She sees these ghosts in the daytime which has happened in Australia to her but not in Vietnam. It is a vein of exploration for me- as you may have guessed if you have been following my creative work at all.
I have been reading a Thich Nhat Hanh book "the buddha's heart" which explains his basic teachings. What I have come away with is a concern about my writing which can lead me into some very dark places. But I always come out again and always write with a sense of hope- not necessarily happy endings but a sense that not all is despair. Thay asks writers to write about healing and water non violent seeds rather than the stuff we are exposed to in the mass media.
I try to do this, and be mindful and kind to my dark places.