no ma

That's ma with a dot underneath- bad ghosts. After witnessing the len dong ceremony (details on my main blog) and talking to Kirsten Endres and her friend Andrea it seems to me that there are different purposes for the rituals in len dong to the mother goddess. Rather than spirit mediumship per se it is a chance to worship the mother goddess and share her bounty with your close friends- the ritual involves the handing out of money and offerings to the audience. Kirsten and Andrea said the shamans are not allowed to talk about ma- bad ghosts. Which may explain a lot. I also suspect that the existence of spirits may be taken as lightly and as heavily as all the different continuum of acceptances in the West. Ditto with the practice of Buddhism in this temple devoted to the mother goddess we ate meat and drank rice wine- not Buddhist practices at all!
I went to the sangha afterwards for a dose of calm and mindfulness and I'm glad I did so- it is nice to leave Vietnam having touched my true self once more with the sound of the bell.

the lack of ghosts

Went to Dinh Quan pagoda again- and this time the dharma talk was disappointing what little of it I caught railed against sex before marriage, AIDS and young people. I guess there is still a conservative streak in some Buddhist monks- just like there are conservatives in the church.
Had a chat with Nicholas and Hannah about ghosts and spirits- they have been here for 8 months and commented that people didn't seem to talk about ghosts etc in the way that they did in Pakistan and India (they are very well travelled). Connecting to this Jon had commented to me that no one seemed to believe in fate in Hanoi from his interviews, Virginia also said that because we were in a capital city that superstition may have less of a hold here. Nicholas knew of an article by a masters student that has the same ambivalence towards ghosts beliefs held by shamans. I suspect that maybe these beliefs are in flux, partly because of the Communist suppression of these beliefs, and modernity. Thich Nhat Hanh believes that the len dong ceremonies and shamanic ceremonies are fake (I'm paraphrasing here). I suppose in the Western world even though people pray to God and the Holy Spirit it doesn't mean they believe the holy spirit manifests everywhere or that they believe in hell etc etc. Maybe this selective belief holding is just human- or a manifestation of modernity as well. For the record I believe in ghosts. But I don't believe in other spirits. At least not yet!!

touching the earth

Last night did a very profound practice "Touching the Earth". Thay suggests that you do this practice until your anger and resentment etc has been released. It consists of listening to words about your ancestors and how they are in your body and recognising them in you even if they have not been able to support you because of their own fear, hatred and anger (ie your parents, grandparents and blood family). Then thanking your spiritual ancestors (which for me include counsellors and therapists) and then the hardest part of all drawing on their strength to reach out to those whom have made you suffer and those around you suffer with love and compassion. Recognising that those who have made you suffer are full of hatred and fear. I have found this exercise very difficult- the best I could manage was that I was glad that the person whom had made me suffer most was dead. Thay has written about what the world needs is reconciliation and deep listening and compassion to draw sides of conflict together- but reflecting on how difficult it is for me to reconcile myself it will be so hard to see this happen.
I have found meditating in the sangha a very different experience to meditating on my own. Last night during sitting meditation I found that my heart and throat chakras were opening up (these concepts are from Hindu beliefs) for some reason they were closed. The energy of the sangha is so warm and giving that you need to experience it, words cannot describe it.
I also took heart from Trish Thompson our teacher, whose partner Hank has yet to appreciate the practice too- yet is going to Plum Village with her for 6 weeks. My husband has told me that if I go to Plum Village I'll be going on my own- but he is supportive of me going to the sangha even though he himself does not practice.
Trish has spoken about how she is not only meditating for herself but also for the world. I think that in the work she does with the sangha she is contributing to the world. For me myself I think I meditate for myself first and the benefits are that I am more compassionate towards others. I would like to contribute to the world more and as I have written previously I hope that my writing contributes in some small way-especially my recent writing.

about the future

I have started reading Thich Nhat Hanh's book Calming the fearful mind- A zen response to terrorism and it's really inspiring. I want to do more work that is compassionate and from the heart- and I want to reconcile my day job as a psychologist with Buddhism. There is only one course running in WA on Buddhist psychology that is quite expensive in Australia. I wonder if I am strong enough to compassionately listen to clients now, the last time I did clinical work it was with asylum seekers and I found myself so angry at our government every time I heard a refugee story that I was ineffective as a counsellor. I have already written a few short stories involving Buddhism that I'm happy with- you might describe them as parables. To write a longer work is a challenge, I was thinking of a story line involving a woman whom disguises herself as a man to join a sangha and then her troubled path to accepting her feminity as a source of strength (she would be a rape survivor). I could populate the story with ghosts, vampires and fox fairies (my tour de force). Hmmm. Might start writing that one now!

i am not my emotions

Last night's practice included a talk by Trish Thomson whom is a member of the order of interbeing since the mid eighties about habit energies. She talked about how we all have the seeds of different emotions in us, and that we sometimes respond from habit energies formed when we were younger from our family and our environment. I was thinking about how I have responded to being alone in Vietnam with loneliness whilst in fact I have chosen to be here on my own, I haven't been abandoned here and I do have people to speak to. I am not my sadness or loneliness, and now being aware that I have responded like that the feeling has almost dissipiated. I missed sangha practice for a week and have found coming back to it revitalising and energising. When I hear the bell it is like something in my soul settles down and I've come back to my true home of mindfulness.

gender in buddhism

I went to a conference on religions and culture today and was disturbed to find out about the added gathas that a woman has to learn before being ordained as a nun as opposed to a monk (a woman has to learn about 100 more sayings!) The researcher whom was an Australian woman interviewed nuns at the Dien Quan pagoda where I went with the sangha and she also said that this was due to women having weaker natures. It was said that if you had a more masculine nature that of being clear headed etc then it would be easier for you. I haven't encountered this sexism yet. The sexism may be the influence of Confucianism on Buddhism but the patriachy has influenced all world religions I guess. I discussed this with some of my friends at the sangha, and they said it was because in the beginning the sanghas for men and women were separated, the Buddha led the one for men and his mother led the one for women. So they came up with the gathas separately and of their own accord- no one sat down and said let's have more for women. They hypothesised that the Buddha's mother was stricter than the Buddha! It's something I have to investigate more thoroughly before being too discouraged.

largest Buddha in Vietnam

Here is the largest Buddha in Vietnam in Soc Son. Soc Son is more well known for the legend of a giant warrior whom helped the Vietnamese fight off the Chinese and his footsteps made the lakes and valleys in the mountains. Because of the largest Buddha which weighs thirty tonnes some other people want to make an even larger statue of Giong the warrior. This oneupsmanship is quite interesting I think! Here I am outside one of the many pagodas at Yen Tu mountain. It's a pilgrimage site and the ascent is very very steep! I bravely chickened out before the summit. Even though part of the way was by cable car.... We had an interesting conversation with Tam whom is a Vietnamese practictioner whom does translation with us. She talked about how Westerners like the ideas of Buddhism but only like the fluffy bits - and balk at stopping drinking etc. I guess this applies to me...but I think the more common misunderstanding about Buddhism is about impermanence- people sometimes view non attachment as having no emotions at all and trying to reach nothingness which I don't think is quite correct. It's the concept of interbeing I think that is central to Buddhism. And compassion. And love. Etc. Etc.

curbing loneliness

I have been reading the journals of Thich Nhat Hanh Fragrant Palm Leaves which really provides an insight into how he has had revelatory moments at different times in different places. It also makes me realise how lucky I am to be in Vietnam at a time when the sanghas following him can come out in the open- the one at Dien Quan practiced in secret before his visit here last year.
I miss my husband a lot and the sangha provides me with the emotional support to stay here. To be gentle with yourself and to show yourself compassion is a lesson I have learnt here. I had my own quiet moment of reflection waiting for my Vietnamese class looking into a pool of water. I've been dwelling on impermanence and how everything inter-be that in death we are still part of life and vice versa. I've been thinking of ways to write this into my fiction and finding it rather difficult.
I suppose the interaction I have with ghosts, spirits with humans has this interlaced through it.
This picture is of a gatha carved in rock from the Thay pagoda. I've been told that it is about impermanence and the reflections of life in water.

why i'm not totally buddhist

Because I drink and eat meat. I also have not fully embraced total compassion for all beings.
I cannot extend compassion to rapists - but the teachings of Thay have modified my position on the death penalty.
It takes a great heart to be able to transcend and extend compassion past hatred and I'm not there yet.

dinh quan pagoda

My first excursion with the sangha was to Dinh Quan Pagoda in Hanoi. It is hidden away off the main road from bus 32 or 20, and I was fortunate enough to find my way there with Hannah and Nicholas two British ex pats.
The day began with a dharma teaching by a monk from Hue whose presence was one of strength and calm. He talked about negative feelings and how we need negative feelings like compost to flowers. We need to acknowledge these negative feelings in order to transform them with loving kindness. This is so different from Western psychology which focuses on the elimination of negative thoughts that it is quite liberating.
We then went on a walking meditation of the temple, past the statue of Quan Am, and I saw a snake slithering away into the underbrush. We had a formal lunch where we presented our lunch to the Buddha as an offering and we ate mindfully in silence.
Then we had total relaxation meditation which translated as sleeping meditation!
The dharma discussion then took place which is a space for people to discuss how they experience the practice not through theory but through the heart. I find this one of the most sharing supportive spaces to be in and you learn so much from other people's experiences of the practice.
Then we went home in the pouring rain- stopping for a drink at the tea shop.

to begin

This blog is about my Buddhist discoveries in Vietnam. I am an author and this is not my main blog- it is here for people whom are interested in the dharma, the sangha and matters of the spirit. First I thought I would outline my interest in Buddhism to date and then as my discoveries with the sangha of Hanoi Compassionate Living goes on I will add additional posts.

I was first made forcibly aware of my Buddhist roots when my grandfather died ten years ago. It was the first time I visited a Buddhist temple and my brother and I did a lot of reading around the heart sutra since my brother had to read it at the funeral ceremony. I tried to reach an understanding of ghosts and spirits then- part of my journey is in the play and book - 49 Ghosts which you can access from my website at www.hoapham.net

Since then I had only attended Linh Son temple in Reservoir for special occassions- the anniversary to celebrate the dead, my grandfather's and grandmother's death anniversaries and for Tet.

I had tried to start meditating with the University of Melbourne Buddhist group but found myself falling asleep- the lunchtime schedule just did not suit me!

My father gave me Thich Nhat Hanh books to read and I started investigating Buddhist psychology. A book I highly recommend is Emotional Alchemy which is written by Tara Goldman- the wife of the man whom wrote Emotional Intelligence. This engaged my mind and I started trying to meditate again.

Then I went to Vietnam where I stumbled across the Community for Mindful Living in Hanoi which follows Thich Nhat Hanh's teachings in English! This was a real find for me- not only did it provide me with a network of support and friends which I needed- but also provided me with Thay's teachings in a real live suppportive community space.

So this was the beginning for me and the journey with the sangha begins here.