finally some Thay pictures

Finally I got out the video camera and downloaded the pictures from Thay's tour. The best are selected here.

ACT ing with values

I'm halfway through the Acceptance Commitment Therapy course. They have a concept of no-self- what they call the observing self- sort of. Some of their techniques are very similar to Buddhism, such as accepting your emotions and not judging them, and viewing them passing like clouds in the sky. But ACT differentiates itself from religious practices in that it does not prescribe which values you should aspire to- whilst Buddhism definitely does. As a result I have been thinking about my values and what I aspire to in the near and more distant future. I either want to be a Buddhist psychologist- and go into private practice, or be a practising Buddhist with psychological underpinnings. I'm actually very happy working where I am with clients and ACT is teaching me new ways of approaching things.

no self

Just read a transcript of a dharma talk by Thich Nhat Hanh about our continuation with our ancestors. His talks can be accessed at www.plumvillage.org
What he said made a lot of sense to me. He said that Western psychology is centred around the self which means it can only heal up to a certain point. Buddhist psychology encourages the concept of no-self - the connection of you to your ancestors and other beings so you go beyond yourself. I came to this conclusion while on retreat with Thay in Vietnam- that it did not matter who I was (i had been wondering what and who I was for sometime) but my interconnection with all beings made me who I am.
I have found so far with some of my clients that I see that they take to viewing their thoughts as being outside of themselves very readily. I have not yet taken that step of trying to teach mindfulness but I will soon.

mindful counselling

I've been doing more reading on mindfulness and three models that it is used in- Acceptance Commitment Therapy which I'm going to do a short course on, Mindfulness Based Cognitive Therapy and Stress Reduction Therapy. I also bought a book The Mindful Way through Depression which complements what I was taught by Thich Nhat Hanh. It has been seeping into my counselling practice slowly. I've also started reading Zen Keys by Thich Nhat Hanh before I go to bed- which reminds me of where I want to be- in reality and interbeing. A friend asked me what is being Buddhist- for she has Buddhist beliefs but does not consider herself to be a Buddhist. I compared it to describing yourself as a feminist which some people do and some people don't - but still promote the core values of being feminist.

A dream

I have been dreaming of going back to Vietnam recently, always to return to temples. The most recent dream had a Buddhist nun talking to me saying that the answers to my questions lay within. This had a pretty deep and profound impact on me.
I have been reading the latest Thich Nhat Hanh book titled "ethics for a better life" or something like that which is a commentary on the five mindfulness trainings. Reading it puts me back in that space where I was on the retreat in Vietnam.
I have just begun counselling work again and I notice that my approach is different. I now open myself up to listen deeply and with compassion- rather than using theory and professionalism as a presence. it feels much more comfortable. maybe in western training theory and research and professionalism are used as defenses. we are taught how to sound like we're listening but not to really listen.

for Vin

The saddest thing happened the other day. my friend huu tran's baby passed away suddenly. his wife lucy is having trouble accepting it, during the funeral she sang to the baby's body and asked us to wake Vin up because he wasn't listening to mummy anymore.
This is a poem for Vin

Small clamped fist
Like a budded lotus flower
His stilled breath, forever

Rest in peace Vin

retreats and a compassionate heart

Have been on a 4 day lay retreat with Thay for 6000 people and a 3 day retreat for just the international sangha- the 80 lay people from around the world whom are accompanying him.
The four day retreat consisted of walking meditation, a dharma talk, dharma discussion and lots of food for lunch and dinner. The dharma talks were basic but covered family relationships and dealing with anger. I have heard that Thay repeats himself a lot- and it has been true of this trip. But every time he speaks you hear something different to learn. In the three day retreat our dharma teacher Tony from Australia gave a talk on the mindfulness trainings and I took four out of the five mindfulness trainings in a beautiful ceremony (I omitted the one about consumption because I drink alcohol). I like how the mindfulness trainings are viewed as aspirations not rules. We had a tea ceremony at which people shared their experiences and particularly about the nature of interbeing. It was so moving it made me want to cry with joy- especially after we did a hugging meditation. My new dharma name is compassionate nourishment of the heart- "of the heart" is the root name of anyone whom is taught by Thay (or in our case on behalf of Thay) and we are the 42nd or 43rd generation of his Zen lineage.
In my case I want to nourish compassion for myself, my loved ones and the entire planet.
This whole trip makes me think peace is possible and I hope that i can spread the dharma joy around.

a moment with Thay

Went to a chaotic Walt Disney colored temple this afternoon with Monkey characters and Avoliketera above a giant dragon. Then because we finished early Thay opted to go into the centre of Dalat to stop somewhere that is special in his memories. We stopped next to a giant lake and sat on the grass. It happened to be opposite another pagoda (don't know if this was by design or not). Thay sat and watched the water and we did the same. The abbott from the pagoda came out and waited behind us. When Thay finished he stood up and made his way to the abbott. The abbott touched the earth to Thay twice before Thay stopped him and said something in Vietnamese.
Then we were invited into the pagoda- with onlookers whom were wondering what a monastic delegation were doing in the middle of the road. I do not know whether Thay was thinking of happy memories or sad memories but it was very moving nontheless and Dalat lakes are beautiful when the sun sets. The silence was very restorative.

dharma in Dalat

Today went to Chua Linh Son where Thay went after rebelling against his root temple in order to practise engaged Buddhism- which interacts with the community. He talked about taking care of your loved ones and the three reconciliation ceremonies that are taking place in Vietnam to grieve for all those whom have suffered during the war on both sides. This and the dharma discussion we had amongst ourselves made me realise that I have been indirectly affected by the war, by the violence and mental illness in my family which is partly caused by the war and civil unrest when my mother's generation was growing up. Although I have grieved for this for myself and dealt with it through therapy on an individual basis I think engaging in a collective ceremony would be an incredible experience. The dharma talk also made me want to contact Alister even more- which unfortunately I cannot for another two weeks when I return to Australia.

thay in Saigon

Have spent the first week on tour with Thay. It is like being with a rock star, photographers are everywhere and he is greeted by crowds wherever he goes. We visited Phap Van temple where sixteen monks and nuns whom were killed when part of the SYSS- the social workers movement that Thay started that took no sides in the war- and the remains of a nun whom immolated in front of the Virgin Mary and Avoliketera in the hope that the two religions would reconcile- this was during Diem's time. Thay has given two dharma talks so far- on basic breathing, the practice and looking after your loved ones. I have taken away the idea that when you meditate you do so for your mother, father, grandparents and others not just for yourself. We can follow the footsteps of the Buddha so the Buddha is alive in this world. I also wish to be truly present for those I love too. There are fifty Western lay friends on this tour ranging in age and they are very nice and present people. We are currently in Dalat where we are visiting four more temples and then going on a five day retreat with Thay in Bao Loc at Bat Nha monastery.

gestating

Reading Thay's book on anger- and about how doing other things mindfully creates writing. I totally agree- call it artistic dates a la Julia Cameron or a necessary gestation period- that's my idea- it is fertiliser for works of art.
I'm realising that I have a lot of anger and fear, and it will take me a while to overcome. I feel that buddhist practice like my writing is a life time practice and I'm happy with that.

anger

Last night had a meditation on anger and a reading about anger from Thay's book the Heart of the Buddha's teaching. It made me realise that I can transform the anger I have towards the government and towards some situations that men create into something else- and it needn't be a barrier to me practising psychology. Anger does cause suffering and to act out of anger sometimes just waters the anger further. Taking responsibility for your anger though a hard thing maybe a necessary thing.

finding the soul

I'm taking a break from the 50 verses of consciousness and reading Thomas Moore's Original Self. There are some zen like moments in his writing- however he thinks (and I paraphrase) that living in the present moment solely denies links to the past and the future. I think he misunderstands the emphasis on trying to live in the present moment in Pureland Buddhism- I think there is an understanding in Thay's Buddhism that living mindfully in the present moment is difficult to achieve. It is a moment in time when mind consciousness stops for a little while. Many practices such as Touching the Earth leads you to meditate on the past and the future. I've been talking to a friend Doug who said that his Japanese masters told him not to expect anything from meditation and you don't meditate to get results. Thay says meditation leads to greater mindfulness and helps cultivate compassion. However meditation relies on you to let whatever is in your mind come to the surface and if you force this it won't happen. At least this is how I explain the differences between these two. What I am really appreciating from the practice at the moment is learning to smile at your emotions. This is what I think is missing from Western psychology theories- the ability to smile and be compassionate to yourself and then to others.

floating emotions

I am finding that doing the practice has made me more aware of my emotions and I feel them more acutely than I have in a while. These range from frustration to joy that I am in Hanoi (so it's not all bad!) I'm going to go to Saigon and follow Thich Nhat Hanh around for a while in late February- my understanding husband has supported me in doing this. I'm reading "transformation at the base" now a very dense book about the fifty verses of the nature of consciousness. It's pretty complex but comforting to read especially when you're feeling sad.

mindfulness and anger

The other day while in Hanoi a friend did something that made me annoyed and then angry. The anger came after the discomfort and I tried to tackle it with mindfulness, and try and listen compassionately to my anger and hear why I was angry. Although the feeling distracted me for a good few hours being mindful helped me frame a response to the friend that was more compassionate and less blaming. In reading the heart of the buddha's teaching, I have found that I have to meditate more and practice more for this to become more a part of my life. It's not easy though- and I am looking forward to going to the sangha tonight and practicing in a group once again after a break of five weeks.

stories with spirit

My grandmother whom suffers dementia and schizophrenia has been seeing ghosts in her housing commission flat. They are not threatening (so aren't your run of the mill hallucinations). One is a man reading a book whom tells her "I see what I see- you see what you see." This is very deep and makes me wonder. She sees these ghosts in the daytime which has happened in Australia to her but not in Vietnam. It is a vein of exploration for me- as you may have guessed if you have been following my creative work at all.
I have been reading a Thich Nhat Hanh book "the buddha's heart" which explains his basic teachings. What I have come away with is a concern about my writing which can lead me into some very dark places. But I always come out again and always write with a sense of hope- not necessarily happy endings but a sense that not all is despair. Thay asks writers to write about healing and water non violent seeds rather than the stuff we are exposed to in the mass media.
I try to do this, and be mindful and kind to my dark places.