A dream

I have been dreaming of going back to Vietnam recently, always to return to temples. The most recent dream had a Buddhist nun talking to me saying that the answers to my questions lay within. This had a pretty deep and profound impact on me.
I have been reading the latest Thich Nhat Hanh book titled "ethics for a better life" or something like that which is a commentary on the five mindfulness trainings. Reading it puts me back in that space where I was on the retreat in Vietnam.
I have just begun counselling work again and I notice that my approach is different. I now open myself up to listen deeply and with compassion- rather than using theory and professionalism as a presence. it feels much more comfortable. maybe in western training theory and research and professionalism are used as defenses. we are taught how to sound like we're listening but not to really listen.

for Vin

The saddest thing happened the other day. my friend huu tran's baby passed away suddenly. his wife lucy is having trouble accepting it, during the funeral she sang to the baby's body and asked us to wake Vin up because he wasn't listening to mummy anymore.
This is a poem for Vin

Small clamped fist
Like a budded lotus flower
His stilled breath, forever

Rest in peace Vin

retreats and a compassionate heart

Have been on a 4 day lay retreat with Thay for 6000 people and a 3 day retreat for just the international sangha- the 80 lay people from around the world whom are accompanying him.
The four day retreat consisted of walking meditation, a dharma talk, dharma discussion and lots of food for lunch and dinner. The dharma talks were basic but covered family relationships and dealing with anger. I have heard that Thay repeats himself a lot- and it has been true of this trip. But every time he speaks you hear something different to learn. In the three day retreat our dharma teacher Tony from Australia gave a talk on the mindfulness trainings and I took four out of the five mindfulness trainings in a beautiful ceremony (I omitted the one about consumption because I drink alcohol). I like how the mindfulness trainings are viewed as aspirations not rules. We had a tea ceremony at which people shared their experiences and particularly about the nature of interbeing. It was so moving it made me want to cry with joy- especially after we did a hugging meditation. My new dharma name is compassionate nourishment of the heart- "of the heart" is the root name of anyone whom is taught by Thay (or in our case on behalf of Thay) and we are the 42nd or 43rd generation of his Zen lineage.
In my case I want to nourish compassion for myself, my loved ones and the entire planet.
This whole trip makes me think peace is possible and I hope that i can spread the dharma joy around.

a moment with Thay

Went to a chaotic Walt Disney colored temple this afternoon with Monkey characters and Avoliketera above a giant dragon. Then because we finished early Thay opted to go into the centre of Dalat to stop somewhere that is special in his memories. We stopped next to a giant lake and sat on the grass. It happened to be opposite another pagoda (don't know if this was by design or not). Thay sat and watched the water and we did the same. The abbott from the pagoda came out and waited behind us. When Thay finished he stood up and made his way to the abbott. The abbott touched the earth to Thay twice before Thay stopped him and said something in Vietnamese.
Then we were invited into the pagoda- with onlookers whom were wondering what a monastic delegation were doing in the middle of the road. I do not know whether Thay was thinking of happy memories or sad memories but it was very moving nontheless and Dalat lakes are beautiful when the sun sets. The silence was very restorative.

dharma in Dalat

Today went to Chua Linh Son where Thay went after rebelling against his root temple in order to practise engaged Buddhism- which interacts with the community. He talked about taking care of your loved ones and the three reconciliation ceremonies that are taking place in Vietnam to grieve for all those whom have suffered during the war on both sides. This and the dharma discussion we had amongst ourselves made me realise that I have been indirectly affected by the war, by the violence and mental illness in my family which is partly caused by the war and civil unrest when my mother's generation was growing up. Although I have grieved for this for myself and dealt with it through therapy on an individual basis I think engaging in a collective ceremony would be an incredible experience. The dharma talk also made me want to contact Alister even more- which unfortunately I cannot for another two weeks when I return to Australia.

thay in Saigon

Have spent the first week on tour with Thay. It is like being with a rock star, photographers are everywhere and he is greeted by crowds wherever he goes. We visited Phap Van temple where sixteen monks and nuns whom were killed when part of the SYSS- the social workers movement that Thay started that took no sides in the war- and the remains of a nun whom immolated in front of the Virgin Mary and Avoliketera in the hope that the two religions would reconcile- this was during Diem's time. Thay has given two dharma talks so far- on basic breathing, the practice and looking after your loved ones. I have taken away the idea that when you meditate you do so for your mother, father, grandparents and others not just for yourself. We can follow the footsteps of the Buddha so the Buddha is alive in this world. I also wish to be truly present for those I love too. There are fifty Western lay friends on this tour ranging in age and they are very nice and present people. We are currently in Dalat where we are visiting four more temples and then going on a five day retreat with Thay in Bao Loc at Bat Nha monastery.

gestating

Reading Thay's book on anger- and about how doing other things mindfully creates writing. I totally agree- call it artistic dates a la Julia Cameron or a necessary gestation period- that's my idea- it is fertiliser for works of art.
I'm realising that I have a lot of anger and fear, and it will take me a while to overcome. I feel that buddhist practice like my writing is a life time practice and I'm happy with that.